Daniel Aegan

Please note that this blog piece may not be for you. Feel free to take to your social media platforms, YouTube channel, call your mother to bitch about it. It’ll be in the spirit of what this is all about, so don’t worry too much about it.

Of course, I want to talk about something I’ve come to call “This Isn’t About Me Syndrome” or TIAMS. TIAMS isn’t a way for me to put the letter “I” in “teams” to stick it to middle and high school coaches who are lecturing hotshot players who can’t play as a cohesive unit. This is something far more complex than that. This is something I’ve observed countless times online through my Twitter presence and elsewhere.

But what is TIAMS all about? Well, I’m glad you asked in a completely hypothetical way through a question that sets up a paragraph in a blog post. Simply stated, TIAMS occurs when someone, usually white, middle-aged men, comes across a piece of media they don’t particularly like due to its inclusion of people of color, queer themes, or their most hated foe: women. There are other ways to trigger a TIAMS episode, but these I’ve found are the most common causes. This triggering leads them to lash out online, shouting into what they perceive as their echo chamber, challenging anyone who may come across their registered hissy fit to an argument they believe they’ll surely win. Of course, winning is subjective in their dim world.

“This piece of media isn’t meant for me!” the victim of TIAMS screams in a way that’s likely a lot more grammatically improper. “If it’s not specifically meant for me, then it’s bad! Fuck this piece of media and everyone involved!”

Most times, the triggered individual will blame “wokeness” or some form of this, claiming their chosen foe has ruined something they so badly wanted to enjoy. In these cases, TIAMS can lead to far more serious issues of wanting certain groups of people—those who don’t share the victim’s race, age range, or sexuality—to not partake in their bubble of media consumption. There is no fancy name or acronym for this since it’s straight-up racism and homophobia. But the time our victim reaches this stage, however, there is a hundred percent chance that these traits had already taken hold of their psyche. Without serious intervention, the victim of TIAMS will pitch their fit, calling all others suffering their affliction to come to their defense like a lemming ready to be pushed off a cliff by the Disney corporation for shits and giggles. When this happens, the group of TIAMS sufferers becomes what’s commonly called in this field of study as a “bunch of fuckin’ assholes” or “BOFA”.

So, now that we know what TIAMS is and what it can lead to, we can prevent those who may become afflicted with this malady to avoid such a sorry state of existence. But how? How can we coddle those who are predisposed to TIAMS from having to witness movies, TV shows, music, or any form of media that doesn’t feature white males in their forties or fifties running from explosions while wooing a young woman barely able to order a drink? 

Unfortunately, there is no cure for TIAMS or the much worse scenario of BOFA. The only treatment available is to ignore their online rants and treat them as what they are: A desperate attempt to get mommy to bring you another cookie because their younger sibling got two of them and IT’S NOT FAIR, DAMMIT! I DON’T CARE IF WE DON’T HAVE ANYMORE! YOU HAVE A CAR! GO TO THE FUCKING STORE AND BUY SOME MORE!

In conclusion, as media evolves to feature the different kinds of people that exist in the real world, more and more TIAMS victims will come forward to bitch and complain about the fact that they want everything everywhere to be about them and their fantasies rather than enjoy something that can encompass something other than themselves for two fucking hours of their lives. TIAMS isn’t a terminal condition, but you’d think it was the way these motherfuckers mount their soapbox while spewing electronic diarrhea all over their chosen social media platforms. All we can do as a society is ignore a TIAMS flareup when it happens and allow those poor, sad individuals their space to scream into their private voids by utilizing blocking technologies and realizing that these are the screams and whimpers of a dying breed.

If you or someone you love is predisposed to TIAMS, there is help. The first step is admitting that seeing certain types of people in media make you uncomfortable. Once you can say that out loud, you can figure out why these characters trigger you. If this doesn’t lead to a firm, yet polite self-discussion on how you’re the problem and how you can change, then all hope may be lost. The end phase of TIAMS is being that one old guy at work everyone ignores and dismisses because you’re from “another time” and they “shouldn’t engage that crazy old bitch”. 

Warmest regards,

Daniel Aegan

3/12/2022