Daniel’s Journal #65 – The Shit I’m Not Qualified to Say

I usually open these things with a joke. I had written one specifically for this post, but I deleted it along with the entirety to the paragraph. Most of the time I can find a way to laugh through the pain. This time, however, I don’t feel it’s appropriate. 

Our country is going through something of a revolution at the moment. I haven’t decided if it’s the end of the prologue or the epilogue of the beginning. What I do know is that the coming days will define us as a country for what could be decades. 

We are on a knife’s edge. The protesting and retaliation have been happening for days now. The proverbial line in the sand had been drawn for us, as it usually is. It wasn’t drawn by who you’re being led to believe, though.

The sad fact of me writing and posting these things is that the people who really need to read them never do. I’m not trying to make myself out to be more prolific than I am. It’s just that some people need to realize the consequences of their actions or inactions when it comes to the dangers and pitfalls that America has faced during the first half of 2020 and the years the led us to this all-important time. I’ve posted about the dangers of the political games those outside the spectrum have waged. I’ve ranted about the division that our leadership, visible and not, have done to us. I’ve raged and screamed about our president and the lack of leadership he exhumes with every tweet he sends.

Today, as you probably guessed, I’m talking about the protests, the continued ineptitude of our leadership, and the division between us that will exist for a long time.

Still, I don’t feel qualified to talk about Black Lives Matters, the movements happening in the streets, or the death of George Floyd or the countless others who have died before him. The simple fact is that privilege is real, and as a white male, I’ve experienced this privilege my whole life. So, speaking about a movement I care about still feels alien to me, though I know it shouldn’t.

I know a lot of people who also have that privilege, and they’re scared shitless of losing it. They’re the ones retorting with “all lives matter” and saying things along the lines of: “George Floyd shouldn’t have died, but that’s no reason for the destruction of property.”

Let’s make something clear. That’s not helpful, and “all lives matter” was a catchphrase created to erase Black Lives Matter and the hope it promotes. If you’re not helping the cause at this point, you’re on the wrong side of history. It’s sad to say, but people seem to be reveling on the wrong side of history like a pig in shit. 

Those who are arguing against protestors and labelling them “rioters” instead are the ones I hope would read this or something more powerful with a voice that can encapsulate the racial tensions and violence better than I can. But it’s hard making someone listen when they’ve willfully gone deaf to everything except what they want to hear.

Social media is a virus. It wasn’t intended to be that way, but it is. There are good things about it, though, and I’m starting to see it now. Maybe it’s changing back into what it was always intended to be. That’s the main focus of what I wanted to talk about when it comes to all the bullshit, violence, and ignorance that has come along with the protests and retaliation.

What has been broadcasted to the masses has mostly been about the destruction caused by these protests and the trouble the police have had keeping them contained. These are what’s meant to be seen. It’s what our leadership wants to be seen. Most of this, however, is bullshit built in lies and falsities.

My Twitter feed has been full of the truth. White cops in masks armed with hammers and spray paint have been taped smashing windows and walking away. Pallets and trunks full of bricks have been passed around as well from various sources. White supremacy groups like the Proud Boys and Boogaloos have been spotted spreading fuel on the protest and turning into pure anarchy, smashing about with their skateboards. Even Infowars, who apparently still exists in the anus of the entertainment world, has been caught burning a homeless man’s belongings just for content. All who have uploaded and continue to share this are brave as hell, and I’ll always consider them heroes for putting the truth out there for all to see when the world wants to cover-up this movement ad anarchy.

This is all on top of the police force, who has been antagonizing and using unnecessary force against peaceful protestors, turning the whole thing into a frenzy. I have to ask myself what happened to these men to make them do what they’ve been doing. What makes someone fire a rubber bullet into someone’s face, corner them and gas them, and drive barricades into them? Maybe it’s a power thing, or maybe they’ve gotten their brains scrambled by the alt right machine and have been led to believe they’re soldiers in some inevitable race war like so much impressionable youth has.

The dark side of social media brought us the aforementioned hate groups. It wasn’t on purpose, but they all met in the dark confines and corners of social media. Men in power, pariahs, preyed upon them, promising them a great race war. They were told this time would come, and they were more than happy to help turn it into what it’s become. 

So, when the eyes of a blissfully ignorant nation turn to see what’s going on, they see violence and destruction in their communities. They see what they’re told to see. If they unplugged themselves from the corporate news media feeding tubes, they may have turned toward the real images and stories coming from the protests; the stories that I’ve been watching; the ones that touched me and caused me to write this piece I still don’t feel qualified to write.

And, of course, this all ends with the Bastard King himself. President Trump is using this as he uses all things. I still attest that he’s just the puppet, and we have yet to see the one who pulls his strings. We may never know if it’s those around him, Putin, or some other force. Either way, he made a lot of daring revelations in the last few days.

One of the biggest annoyances I’ve found was people shouting in all caps about not comparing what’s happening now to what had happened weeks ago during the Covid protests and Trump’s response. I’ve said that I will make the comparison, because it’s an apt one. The armed protestors against Covid restrictions were made out to look like heroes in our leader’s eyes, and those protesting in the wake of George Floyd’s death are “thugs” and need to be “dominated”. If there ever was a question about whether or not Donald Trump was a rabid racist, you now have your answer. 

To drive this last point home: If you were ever unsure whether or not Donald Trump is a fascist with dictator fantasies, you only have to look at how he’s claimed Antifa (not an actual organization) is a terrorist organization. Then he had protestors gassed and manhandled for a photo-op. The eyes of the world are on us, and there’s shit on our faces.

But an explicit amount of quiet racism exists within the supposed innocuous white community. They’ve been led to believe that their way of life is in jeopardy. Whether it’s conscious on the surface or not, they’re afraid that privilege every white person enjoys is in danger. Some of them are quite vocal about it. Others just have a passive way about blaming the victims and categorizing everyone marching as rioters or worse. Even subtle racism is still racism, and I don’t’ want to associate anyone who even remotely thinks that’s OK. 

I don’t have a conclusion here. Hell, I think I barely had a point. It’s a frustrating time for a lot of people, and I know for sure that there are people a lot more frustrated than I am. They’re angry, and I don’t blame them. The country that’s failed them time after time is failing them again. Our own president has told us we’re either with him or against him, and he has martial law on his side if we choose the latter. 

People can only take so much oppression before wanting to take control of their own lives. You can’t criminalize their peaceful protests and then lecture from your comfort zone when they take it to the next level, telling them you’d listen if they did what they had been doing all along. This world is full of armchair hypocrites, and they seem to have no problem showing those colors.We’ve all already chosen our sides. What’s happening out there is all by design, and it’s going to get worse before it gets better. I said when I started this I didn’t know if were at the end of the prologue or the beginning of the epilogue. No matter what, I’m going to hope with everything I have that some kind of positive change comes from all this and it results in Trump’s epilogue. We don’t have to be doomed to let history repeat itself. We should be smarter than that.

Stay safe, brave souls. We’re going to need you in the future.

Black lives will always matter.


-Daniel Aegan


One comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s