Daniel Aegan

It’s been a rollercoaster, one that only goes down and slams all its riders into a slab of rock. Life can have its way with you, over and over, until nothing is left but a lumpy mass or ground meat and bone chunks.

But maybe I woke up pessimistic.

Sometimes it’s better to stay in bed and let the sunlight die. Maybe it’s a good idea to put a pillow over your ears so you can’t hear the birds chirping outside. Close the blinds. Open your circuit breaker. Wallow.

That’s not really a good idea, though that’s what I feel like doing. My insides are a ball of rage with no outlet. I can write all day, punch my heavy bag until my arms are sore, and collapse in a drunken stupor when nothing else works. But I’ll wake up drained, sore, and hungover.

What’s the point?

I wish there was a happy ending to this post, but there isn’t. Maybe there’s one down the road, but it’s still too far out. Problems arise. Solutions falter. The optimists try again, expecting a better result next time.

Wait and see. That’s the only advice I can seem to give myself. I’m not complacent. I don’t like waiting. I’m a man of action.

All I have are these circles of thought.

Maybe next time I’ll have something better to say. I’m still walking forward, hard as that can be some days.

I’m not even editing this. Fuck it. Send.

-Daniel Aegan
3/8/19