Daniel Aegan

I’ve ranted a lot in the last week. I’ve bitched about Trump’s idiocy and his lack of anything even resembling leadership. Then I took aim at his army of loyal dickheads who are marching partly in his name and to get back the “freedom” that hadn’t actually been stripped from them.

Today, however, I set my sights on Vice Dildo Mike Pence.

I’m hoping to keep this piece short and bitter. There’s really isn’t much to say about Pence since he’s a walking q-tip with no personality. His software didn’t come with the personality installation disk. My main problem with him is that he’s not stupid. Not in the traditional sense anyway.

Let me explain.

Mike Pence is a puppet. I’m not just saying that because he likes to have a hand up his ass. He’s nothing more than a vapid human version of a blank slate. I originally thought Donny wanted him because he’s one of the worst people in America, and Donny loves that type of subhuman character. But no. Donny loves Mikey for an entirely different reason. He loves Mikey because Mickey is a soft piece of pale white clay.

Pence is a meme at the moment. Sure, he’s easy target, but he’s had a surge. In case you missed it, he visited the Mayo Clinic and decided he wanted to be the only guy in the building without a mask. He’s been lambasted on Social Media for this. It’s fun calling him an idiot for not doing it and bringing it all the way back to the time he touched the piece of spaceship hardware with the “DO NOT TOUCH” sign over it.

As dumb as his actions at the Mayo Clinic were, however, I think there’s something much more sinister and moronic at play here.

Let’s look at the rhetoric from President Donny. His status on the Coronavirus / Covid-19 threat has been the same since day one: deny and downplay. It bit him in the ass, but not hard enough to leave a mark. He switched tactics and started playing the blame game. When he was done with that, he started urging the protests that have been popping up all over the country.

I wrote a whole post about it. If you haven’t read it (and want to), you can find it here: The Cult of Non-Personality You can also check out my piece on the idiocy that is stay-at-home protests here: The “fight” for Freedumb

So here’s where Pence’s refusal to wear the mask comes into play. It furthers what Trump wants to promote. It’s a horribly misplaced power move. Make no mistake about what’s going on here. They want so badly to make the point that this virus ain’t shit (their words). I’m sure there will be some statement at some point where Pence eludes to the fact that the power of Republican prayers kept the virus from attacking him or some other jolly green bullshit.

It’s all about the image. Pence isn’t totally stupid. He knows to keep his mouth shut whenever possible, and he’s well versed in this. He lets Donny say all the stupid shit, and he just looks on lovingly at his man, waiting for him to slip up bad enough so he can sit at the big desk.

I have more evidence to support my hypothesis of the puppetry of our Vice President. Remember a few years ago during all the outrage of the kneeling at NFL games during the national anthem? I do. I had to listen to people bitch about that without even knowing why the players were kneeling in the first place. And why do we even play the national anthem during sporting events? Isn’t the NFL its own business entity? I know the teams have ripped off the states in which they play, but that doesn’t make them part of the American government or anything. My job doesn’t play the Star Spangled Banner every morning before we log onto our computers and start checking our customer emails.

But I digress.

Mike Pence showed up at an NFL game during this debacle. It was around the same time that President Donny, man of a certain kind of people, took to twitter (shocker) to bash the players who were taking part in the kneeling with vigorous profanity. This was all about image too. Don’t think Trump really gives a fuck about who does what during the national anthem. He only acts out according to what his favorite bobbling media heads are saying on their biased “news” shows.

But I digressed again.

The national anthem played during this fateful game, as it always does. The players knelt, as they had done at just about every game that season. Pence gave them the kind of dirty look his wife would give a waitress who forgot to put a lemon wedge in her iced tea and stormed out of his luxury box and left the stadium like a white-haired man-baby. Please keep in mind he did this all on taxpayer’s hard-earned dollar. He didn’t spend a dime of his own money for this stunt.

I’m sure there are other examples, but this was the most newsworthy one. The media ran with the ball (pun fully intended). It was plastered everywhere. It was on every screen. The point was made, and it was made well. The same will come of this no-mask stunt. Pence once again put himself out there for the sake of Donny’s continued spewing of bullshit.

Let’s hope this will all be over soon. Like a good supervillain henchmen, we haven’t seen the last of Pence earning his paycheck as a sentient butt-plug for his master. As long as there’s a Trump, there will be a pasty white shadow behind him, smirking and wondering how he can best service his boss like a butler in a frat house.

I just want to close this by saying something I’ve said a hundred times since 2016. I really do believe that Donald Trump believes his own rhetoric. He really is our savior in the demented regions of his own mind. Mike Pence, on the other hand, knows the difference between right and wrong. He just chooses to do wrong, because that wrong is what he needs in order to push his agenda. As long as he gets what he wants from his puppeteer, he doesn’t mind being the puppet.

Sometimes the strings can be pulled both ways.

-Daniel Aegan
4/29/20