Daniel Aegan

Rush Limbaugh?!

Alright. Calm down. That can’t be… What the holy hell???

This is old news by now. Last night President Disco Donny made his State of the Union address, and I missed it. I’d like to say I boycotted it, but I just didn’t watch it. I didn’t want to. Summed up: Donny is an egotistical moron with a vendetta against those who have tried and failed to make him pay for his crimes.

Oh, and the pettiness!

The next part is important depending on what side you’re on. Donny refused to shake Nancy Pelosi’s hand! Nasty Nancy ripped up Donny’s speech! My word! Such poppycock coming from our elected leaders!

We’ve passed the last stop of civility and wound up with a bunch of cranky toddlers. And I’m taking to you too, America! You know who you are. You can’t be mad at the snubbed handshake and think the speech ripping was ok. You can’t decry the speech ripping while applauding the handshake snub. You can, however, be pissed at this whole damn system and the petty bobble-heads carrying on like a bunch of shitty-diapered wussies.

And the republican senators! I mean every one of them except Mitt Romney. They allowed Donny to get away with his bullshit because they’re scared of him tweeting them rude nicknames and sending his loyal army of twitter trolls after them. Can you get any suckier than that? “I’m scared of an incel with a cartoon frog avi calling me a cuck. Better acquit!”

Cowards.

Think about what they’ve done here. Truly. You’ve just let our unbalanced, narcissistic, dictator-wannabe President know that he really is above the law. Do you think he learned anything positive from this? No fucking way. How the hell do you think he’s gonna act with this knowledge in his demented mind?

Face facts. We’ve got five more years of this. I’m not even stating that as a possibility at this point. If the Iowa Caucus debacle proves anything, it’s that the democrats can’t get their shit together. They’re poised to cock this up as bad as they cocked up in 2016. And then you have to worry about President Ivanka! How do you think this will end? To put it simply: After three full years of Donny they still aren’t ready for what he brings to the table.

Oh yeah, don’t forget that Russia and Facebook are working on his side again. Cue the misinformation campaign that helped him upset Hillary. Who do you got, Democrats?

I’m getting to Rush… Don’t worry.

This morning Donny ranted about the impeachment and failed removal attempt at both the National Prayer Breakfast (whatever the fuck that is) and at a noon speech. I missed both, but I got the gist of it. You can sum it up without watching. Everyone is against Donny. He’s a big-penised winner of impeachment trials. The streets will run red with democrat blood. The usual political rhetoric we’ve all come to hate.

Oh yeah, and Rush Limbaugh woke up this morning to jerk off in front of his mirror while wearing a fucking Medal of Freedom against his ample boobies.

Let me say something one time. I know Rush has cancer and is dying. To say I don’t care is heartless… Fuck it, though. I don’t care. We all die of something. Some of us get more time than others. It’s a sad fact of life. All we can do when the Reaper comes for us is to walk tall knowing you led a good life.

In Rush’s case, the demons will start eating his burning flesh while he’s still screaming, and he’ll know he deserves it.

I don’t wish him dead. I don’t applaud the cancer for destroying his body from the inside. I’m not Howard Stern. I don’t wish cancer on people I dislike. But demons gotta eat too…

OK… So I understand he’s sick and dying, but to stand up and think Rush fucking Limbaugh deserves the highest civilian award is just insane. But it makes sense in this demented country where we all now exist. President Donny Douchebag has always valued divisiveness. Hell, it’s why that orange ass pimple is in the White House. So why not give a Medal of Freedom to one of the pioneers of dividing people? Award the beacon of hate that allowed our country to become the cesspool of the world it’s becoming. It’s par for the Mar-a-Lago course at this point.

Why not? In Donny’s mind he’s the greatest president we’ve ever had and the best thing to happen to America. In his eyes Rush Limbaugh is an American hero. The bigoted hate monger is an American legend now. Might as well put his face on the hundred dollar bill. Fuck off, Ben Franklin. You’re no Rush Limbaugh. You wish, kite boy!

And I know when he’s dead he’ll be honored. As will Donny. As will every piece of shit who acquitted him too. That’s what makes us who we are: our short memories and ability to rewrite history and make these bloody turds sparkle like diamond-encrusted bloody turds.

I’ll leave you by saying this: If you’re not ashamed with what’s going on, then you need to be. This stopped being funny a long time ago if it ever was. The stench of this craptacular is going to take a lot of showers to remove.

God bless the motherfuck out of America.

-Daniel Aegan
2/6/20