Stoned Tarot Readings

What’s our mission here at Stoned Tarot? Well, we smoke weed and read tarot, and we do it to make more weed money, creating a self-sustaining system. We have many spreads listed here, or you can request a custom spread via our contact form. We also do spreads to combat writer’s block or stifled creative flows. Use the contact link at the bottom to request a reading or tweet or DM us on Twitter.

Payment for readings accepted via PayPal or CashApp.


Classic 3-Card

Past/Present/Future

A regular past/present/future reading with a quick turn around time. Get your insight in triple form with this spread.

The Pre-Roll

For general advice

Looking for general advice or insight? Need a little info about a current issue or mental blockade? You need a pre-roll reading!

That’s Some Bullshit!

For help sifting the pile

We’ve all had to sift through it at some point. This spread is designed to help you with the steaming piles that drop into your life.

French Inhale

For recycling energy

What do you have that can be reused without discarding? What can still serve you in some other form?

Stems N’ Seeds

For help discarding

Sometimes we need to know what to discard from our lives. This spread can help you figure out what to toss out with the seeds and stems in life’s dime bag.

Munchie Mania

For manifestation

What do you want or need; but how do you get it, and what happens when you do? This spread will help you with manifesting and what to do in cases of overindulgence.

Bong Water

For clarity

This reading goes a little deeper than a basic one. If your focus is gaining clarity, this is one you want,. Clear the smoke out of the water and see what the cards have to say.

Reefer Romance

For relationship advice

Guest starring The Lovers! We seek their guidance to answer your burning, or smoldering, questions about romance. Also works well with platonic partnerships or those seeking advice on self-love.

Reefer Romance – Extended

For relationship advice

Some romances need a little extra advice, and the extended version of Reefer Romance brings an expanded viewpoint from The Lover’s four-tier advice structure.

The Devil’s Lettuce

For the shadow self

The Devil saw what the Lovers were doing in the Reefer Romance spread and wanted a piece of the action. Here, we ask the tarot’s mischief maker his advice on your shadow self.

This is not a reading for the faint of heart.


The Devil’s Lettuce – Extended

For the shadow self

Sometimes The Devil has more to say, and this spread expands on their advice on how to deal and incorporate your shadow self.

Wake N’ Bake

Daily one-card reading

A daily card reading to start your day. Good for a full week. It’ll appear in your email or DM in the morning. On seventh day, you’ll get a report of what the daily cards mean.

Seven-Point Leaf

For guidance

This is the big one. Seeking guidance and answers? This is an intuitive reading that askes the Muse and Oracle to answer in seven points. This one may take an extra puff or two.

Retrograde Haze

Mercury can be a bitch

Communications and every day life in general is in flux when Mercury is in Retrograde. These periods can be hell on Earth. This reading is available during these times and is designed to help you through and come out facing a positive direction.


Follow us on Twitter!

Follow, bother, and DM us through twitter for a reading. Or you can just tweet with us.

Email us!

Email us for a reading using our contact form. Please let us know which spread you’re interested in using and the best way to get in touch with you.